Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk is not a location!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
