I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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