he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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