How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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