When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
