I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
