Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i've created a new STD.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
