We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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