take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
