hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
