So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
