The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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