If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
