went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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