i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
