My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize