What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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