my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
