just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize