There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
