Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
