So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
