Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
