That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
