OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
