My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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