A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
