we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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