I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
