just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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