Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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