he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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