I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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