What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have fence marks all over my body
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
