i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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