Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize