i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
