He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
