I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
