i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
