I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
