wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
