Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
