We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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