Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
