and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
