she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Boobs speak an international language.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
