Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
