Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
