I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
