You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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