Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
