Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
