Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
