On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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