It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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