u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
