hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
