You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
