i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
