just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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