For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
