party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
