What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
