I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
