see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
