Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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