Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
