he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
