Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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