I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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