Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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