god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
