hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
