at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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