Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
