Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think your dad took our porno
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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