the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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