dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
