I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
