The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
