So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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